my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
