the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
