She is in my trunk
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
