You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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