she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
