Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
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