even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
