Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
