I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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