I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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