So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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