We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just made out with a guy for $7.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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