dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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