I wish my penis had an off switch
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
