Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
