I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
