he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
