Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
