i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
