Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i was born a porn star she said
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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