youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
