Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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