I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Last time i carry you out of a forest
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
