I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
