she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Panties = found
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
