i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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