I'm so fucking centered right now
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
