one two three fourrrrnication!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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