Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
