She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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