you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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