Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
