I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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