You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
