Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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