Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
