TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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