drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Is it because I queefed?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
