Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
