I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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