so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
