saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
