I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I didn't notice because vodka
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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