I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
