there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
