What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
