I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
