He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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