You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
