I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
